Sex doesn’t sell movies…

Green does.

Take the following as examples of my theory:

Shrek: Shrek himself
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Raphael, with Michaelangelo running a close second
Star Wars: Yoda
The Lord of the Rings: The Dead Army, Pippin after too much pipeweed, and the DVD case for The Fellowship of the Ring
Spider-Man: The Green Goblin
Ghostbusters: Slimer
The Muppet movies: Kermit the Frog
Hulk: The Hulk
How the Grinch Stole Christmas: The Grinch
VeggieTales: Larry
Monsters, Inc.: Mike Wazowski
Peter Pan: Peter Pan
Batman Forever: The Riddler
Elf: Will Ferrell

You’ll also notice that in the Matrix films that the picture has a green tint whenever the action is in the Matrix itself, which is where all the really good parts happen.

You’ll also notice that with the exception of Star Wars, every single film listed above could have been even better with the addition of lightsaber fights. Star Wars would better with more Yoda, as I will mention below.

I don’t know what, exactly, my expectations were when I went to see Shrek 2, but I do know that it exceeded them handily. The movie is better in every single way than the original, which is a hard thing for a sequel to do. I think the key to Shrek 2‘s success was its spot-on use of green. The filmmakers were even smart enough to know when too much green was happening. –SPOILER– I suspect this is the real reason for Shrek wanting to be human. The whole “I just want to make Fiona happy” was just a an excuse for people who aren’t in touch with their inner Green-ness. — END SPOILER —

One of the major reasons I think that the Star Wars prequels aren’t so well-liked is the disturbing underuse of Yoda. Lightsaber battles compensated somewhat, but not enough, as the box office numbers clearly show.

Apart from the Greenuity, Shrek 2 was great for the following reasons:

  • Funnier than the first
  • Fewer dirty jokes than the first
  • A Lord of the Rings reference
  • Antonio Banderas
  • Better animation

I could go on and on and on, but this is getting monotonous. The only thing Shrek 2 lacked, really, were lightsabers. I’m hoping that with Shrek 3 and Shrek 4 on the horizon this small oversight will be corrected, and another timeless film saga will join the ranks of the likes of The Lord of the Rings, which could use a lightsaber or two of its own.

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