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The poem in question: is here in this commentary, as promised before.

January 29, 1998.  This is just pure melodrama.  Heartfelt melodrama, but still melodrama.  I like the oblique references to Cried Out and Insincerity.  I cringe a little at poor teenage me who was so distraught over the never-ending battle against lusty thoughts.

I think this is the part where
I say something completely heart-wrenching
and you cry out in pain for me
but I’m the only one here to console myself
and I’m no good at consolation
just ask that guy at the supermarket
I’ve never consoled him
the fact I’ve never met him is totally
beside the point
that’s not what I’m trying to illustrate here

I am forsaken
not really because I know you love me
but sometimes I feel that way because of
what I’ve done
how can I ever get rid of these thoughts
they return to taunt me constantly
I can never be free
they’re out to get me to make me lose control
of everything I’ve worked for strived for loved for
sometimes they succeed

I am plagued by the constant reminder of
my past and the difficulty of
the present and the shadows of
the future

I need a bloody rewind button or
maybe just a good slap to the head
and some words of encouragement
and an I love you

someone save me from myself
I cannot do it on my own
I need guidance from another
but I so often misapproach the possibilities
and stumble blindly where few have tread

I’m so tired of being afraid
of never knowing what’s coming next
what bombardment lies in wait
licking its lips in anticipation
for my demise at its hands
please oh please oh please let me be

the tears are forming now
I can feel them burning within me
but they can have no real release
not one that means anything
I’ve forgotten how to truly weep
maybe I should relearn

my wall is thick and I am lonely
I yearn for you to hold me
tell me it’s okay
tell me I’ll make it
another day

please