When I found some old poems I wrote for a BYU French class I also found printouts of silly soda-related writings I sometimes did back when I worked with my cousin doing customer support for a smallish company. I posted one of them a few years ago here. Here is the other:
twelve fluid ounces (spidey remix)
twelve fluid ounces
you’ve always been my friend
even past the expiration date tattooed on your end
now in recent months I see
you have pictures on your face
pictures of Spidey
he’s in so many poses: swinging, hanging upside down
crouching, crawling all over the town
so I build a house from you, twelve fluid, a house for the homies
even though some people made fun of you and called you bologna
it has a dance room and a make-out closet and even a big screen TV
even if the TV is invisible and maybe imaginary
then the spidey phase passed
but I still drank you up
I poured you in a red plastic cup
sometimes ice, sometimes no ice
whichever way I go, you still taste nice
and then came a glorious Pepper day
you have rogue on your can
yippee hooray!
some of the spidey house had to come down
but a hot girl took his place so I sure didn’t frown
we moved the make-out closet to rogue’s wing
so the homies can go there and do their thing
twelve fluid ounces you really are my life-long friend
I hope that our friendship will never end
if it does I’ll kick your scrawny little Pepper butt
The backstory, if it isn’t clear from the masterful prose, is that we built a “house” in our cubicle space out of empty soda cans that had Spider-Man on them. These were, I assume, promotional tie-ins to the movie Spider-Man. Then when X2 came out we replaced part of the house with new X-Men cans, specifically those featuring Anna Paquin’s Rogue, because she is hot. I still haven’t had to kick Pepper’s butt, which is good.
“Twelve fluid ounces” is also the title of a couple of my haiku: twelve fluid ounces (special haiku remix) and twelve fluid ounces (alternative dark).