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Sometimes I wonder if all of my creativity, or at least my talent to put it to good use, ran out in 1998 or thereabouts. Reading over some of the poems I’ve written recently (by which I mean that I recently read them, not that I recently wrote them), and I can’t help but feel that with rare exception the best stuff was written more than five freakin’ years ago. I’ve barely touched Grass Monkey stories for almost three years.

I can’t help but wonder what bloody happened to me.

I noticed that, also with rare exception, my “best” poetry seems to have some sort of recurring theme of self-inflicted sadness or depression, or attempted redemption from such (man, do I love meridian of day and Something Broken). Funnily enough, some of the most unbelievably stupid junk I’ve ever written falls under this same heading (see, for example, Inner Betrayal or A Lesson To Be Learned). Anyway, a few nights ago I was feeling distressed about something or other and so I sat down to try to put my thoughts into words. Guess what came out? This crap:

forgive
forget
their meanings are shrouded in shadow
how am I ever supposed to find release

no escape from nightmares save in slumber
only find respite in darkness and solitude
all the tears robbed from my heart
stolen in a sporadically sub-par enigmatic battle
alone
I weep because I cannot weep

sieve
fisherman’s net
they catch all the lumps of emptiness
all that slips through my weaving is peace

outside disfigured from inside
the darkness claws and gasps for a breath of air
struggle affords me no victory
I surrendered freely too long ago
disowned
a disparate legacy lies at my feet

Seriously, a “sub-par enigmatic battle”? I don’t even know what the blazes that’s supposed to mean. Crivens, I don’t even know why I just typed “what the blazes.”

So there’s some ranting for the .42 readers of the grassmonk blog. Enjoy.

Well, I caught a glaring factual error in the book, anyway.

Robert Langdon recalls a past lecture in which one of his students brought a copy of The Lion King DVD to class. The publication date of The Da Vinci Code is April 2003. The Lion King didn’t hit DVD until October 2003.

Ha ha. In your face, Dan Brown.

Unless the story takes place in the not-too-distant future, in which case I think Wolverine should have shown up and clawed something.

Or unless it was a DVD burned from an older VHS or Laser Disc copy, in which case I think Wolverine should have shown up and clawed something, and Spider-Man should have shown up and cracked wise, and a random lightsaber battle should have occurred, in which Simba should have deftly disemboweled Michael Eisner, just on general principle.

Oh, and while we’re at it, I’d like copies of The Truman Show and Super Mario Bros. in anamorphic widescreen, please.

Here’s a list of Paul Simon songs I am always in the mood for:

Ace In The Hole
All Around The World Or The Myth Of Fingerprints
Allergies
America
April Come She Will
Bleecker Street
Born At The Right Time
The Boxer
Bridge Over Troubled Water (1974 Live Rhymin’ version)
A Church Is Burning
The Coast
The Cool, Cool River
Crazy Love, Vol. II
Darling Lorraine
Diamonds On The Soles Of Her Shoes
Father And Daughter
The 59th Street Bridge Song (Feelin’ Groovy)
Flowers Never Bend With The Rainfall
Gone At Last
Gumboots
A Hazy Shade Of Winter
Hearts And Bones
He Was My Brother
Homeward Bound
Hurricane Eye
I Am A Rock
I Do It For Your Love
Kathy’s Song
Kodachrome
The Late Great Johnny Ace
Look At That
Me And Julio Down By The Schoolyard
Mrs. Robinson
My Little Town
The Obvious Child
Old
Old Friends/Bookends
The Only Living Boy In New York
Peace Like A River
Pigs, Sheep And Wolves
A Poem On The Underground Wall
Proof
Quiet
The Rhythm Of The Saints
St. Judy’s Comet
Senorita With A Necklace Of Tears
Slip Slidin’ Away
Song For The Asking
Spirit Voices
Stranded In A Limousine
That’s Where I Belong
Thelma
Think Too Much (a)
Think Too Much (b)
Trailways Bus
Train In The Distance
Under African Skies
When Numbers Get Serious
You Can Call Me Al
You’re Kind

Also of note is the great Simon & Garfunkel cover of Blues Run The Game.

I’m not sure why I felt the sudden need to create this list, but there it is.

Ah, the beauty that is Spider-Man 2. The genius. The overwhelming wonder. Better than the first movie in every way, but that’s not my point.

Last night, or the night before–well, some night recently I had just gone to bed after reading some good ol’ Spider-Man comics. I have become addicted to All Things Spidey (ATS), and I’m not ashamed to admit it. I almost bought some Spidey shoes last night, and they were eight sizes too small. Luckily, I had someone there to beat me over the head with a whiffle bat just in case any such impulses seized me, because my size limit on too-small shoes is five.

My ATS addiction notwithstanding, I do have a small complaint about Spidey comics, but that’s a story for another time and place.

Maybe not another place–probably this place–but whatever.

Anyway, I was lying there, trying to go to sleep, letting my thoughts wander, and they wandered (surprise!) to Spider-Man. I was recalling the scene in the first Spider-Man movie where Peter is sitting in the hospital room chatting with Aunt May about the first time he met Mary Jane. Aunt May says to Peter, “You said, ‘Aunt May, is that an angel?'” and Neo says, “Gee, did I say that?”

Seriously, Neo appeared out of nowhere and took Spidey’s place, and I haven’t watched The Matrix for two months.

I wondered where Spidey had gotten to, and so I plunged through the strange and absurd recesses of my mind until I found him right where I thought he’d be–fighting Agent Smith, and sporting a long, black trenchcoat, no less.

The scene was a combination of the final fight scene between Spidey and the Green Goblin in Spider-Man and the final fight scene between Neo and Smith in The Matrix Revolutions. Smith had just knocked Spidey back into a wall for the 300th time and was laughing maniacally. Spidey lay quietly for a moment, then got up, flexed in that weird Matrix way that makes the space around someone bulge for a bit, and then faced Smith, outstretched his hand, and made the Come Get Some More sign. Smith frowned, and then got some webbing in the eye.

I didn’t get a chance to see how the scene ended, because at that point I fell asleep. I really think there needs to be some sort of crossover comic happening soon, so I can see what happened.

Instead of going to watch Spider-Man 2 last night, I had to suffer through two hours of Simon and Garfunkel.

Okay, maybe “suffer” isn’t exactly the right word; as much as I love Spidey, I’d rather hear Simon sing any day of the week.

Ah, the Simon and Garfunkel concert was a beautiful thing. I can’t recall a better concert I’ve been to, and the only one that even comes close was the Paul Simon/Bob Dylan concert I went to five years ago.

Then again, maybe I just have a thing for Mr. Simon, which could explain why I shouted, “I love you, Paul!” no fewer than three times during the course of the show. After Leslie elbowed me rather harshly, I remembered that I love her, too, and told her so. She wasn’t impressed.

The concert began with a video montage of pictures of Simon and Garfunkel over the course of their lives, with pictures of America interspersed, while an instrumental version of America played. When this was over, the spotlight fell on to the stage, and a standing ovation greeted the duo.

They started with a simple version of Old Friends and Bookends, then jumped into a rather boisterous version of A Hazy Shade of Winter. After a couple of songs, Art said how great it was to be in SLC, and they started to talk about how they met. Art said they met in a sixth grade, having both been cast in the school play “Alice in Wonderland.” With a grin, he noticed that he, of course, got the starring role–that of the Cheshire Cat. Paul took the mic and reminded me how freakin’ hilarious he is. He said, “Yes, it’s true, we met in sixth grade. I had just come off a rather difficult fifth grade production of ‘Death of a Salesman,’ and felt I needed something a little lighter and more musical. When the part of the white rabbit opened up, I knew it was my big shot at fame.”

Paul also noted that they started singing together when they were 13, had their first argument at 14, and thus this made the 48th anniversary of their first argument. He said, “We don’t argue any more, though. We’re past that. Really, we’re exhausted.”

They played a couple more songs, with Art stopping to tell a story about them living in England pre-fame, singing on the sidewalks for money with their friend Kathy–his intro to Kathy’s Song. Therein was my only complaint of the entire evening: Art sang Kathy’s Song. It’s one of my absolute favorite S&G songs, and every recording I’ve ever heard of it has Paul singing it, and that’s the way it’s always been, that’s the way I like it, and that’s how I want it to be.

Paul introduced their first hit, Hey Schoolgirl, saying it was their effort at trying to sound like the Everly Brothers. Then the Everlys themselves walked onstage for a four song set, after which there were general hugs and applause and suchlike, and Simon and Garfunkel retook the stage for the remainder of the evening.

Two non-S&G songs graced the show (well, two besides the four the Everly Brothers played). Before Slip Slidin’ Away Paul said, “This is a song that was never recorded by Simon and Garfunkel, but it should have been.” Art introduced American Tune by saying, “This is my favorite song of the set. Some songs feel like they were written into the future. This song was written 30 years ago, but feels like it could have been written last week.”

Another video montage was tossed in the middle of the concert, this time with Feelin’ Groovy playing in the background while scenes from “The Graduate” were shown, followed by Paul jamming on guitar for Mrs. Robinson.

For the end of the set, a wonderful My Little Town transitioned into Bridge Over Troubled Water. I’m not really a fan of Garfunkel singing solo–I prefer him as a harmonist–but the end of Bridge absolutely blew me away. I have never felt the song like that before.

After a standing ovation, they came back for two more songs, and after another standing ovation, they came back for two more songs, and then the night was over. I could have easily sat in that hard, uncomfortable chair for two more hours, basking in the wonder that is Simon and Garfunkel.

Setlist

Simon and Garfunkel

Video montage (America instrumental)
Old Friends/Bookends
A Hazy Shade of Winter
I Am a Rock
America
At the Zoo/Baby Driver
Kathy’s Song
Hey, Schoolgirl

The Everly Brothers

Wake Up, Little Susie
All I Have to Do Is Dream
Let it Be Me
Bye, Bye Love (with S&G)

Simon and Garfunkel

Scarborough Fair
Homeward Bound
The Sound of Silence
Video montage 2 (Feelin’ Groovy)
Mrs. Robinson
Slip Slidin’ Away
El Condor Pasa (If I Could)
Keep the Customer Satisfied
The Only Living Boy in New York
American Tune
My Litle Town
Bridge Over Troubled Water

First Encore

Cecilia
The Boxer

Second Encore

Leaves That Are Green
Feelin’ Groovy