Poetism Commentary: "Pretense"

The poem in question: Pretense

After a break of just under nine months, I am back to wow my readership with amazing commentary on amazing poetry that I, myself, wrote.

I actually began writing this commentary about ten months ago while commenting on What Lies In Wait. I mentioned my high school junior English teacher’s general cluelessness and not-liking-me-or-my-friend-Ben-ness, and was going to expound on it until I realized it would be more fitting in this commentary. Since I have gone so long without writing, some of this text has just sat, collecting metaphorical dust.

As I have noted earlier, Miss D. (why I feel it, if not necessary, at least polite, not to name names, I know not) was the bane of my academic existence at the time. She shared that honor with a class that was called “Business of Living” that was required coursework. One day in “Business of Living” the class watched “Grease.” What that has to do with the business of living, I shall likely never know, as I refused to watch the movie and instead went to the library, which is a story for another time, mostly because I like telling it.

Back to the subject at hand, I had the hardest time pleasing Miss D. with any of my poetical work. This is not to say that my work was amazing, which obviously goes without saying, but it was a sight better than the crap she held up as a shining example.

actual example of poetry held up as inspiration in Miss Decker’s class

I am like a staple
sometimes I am bent
other times I am straight

end actual example, begin mass spoon-aided seppuku

Now, I didn’t always try very hard in my English classes, as mentioned before, but I had a passion for poetry, and I worked hard on those assignments. Imagine my dismay at being told time and again, “This isn’t what I’m looking for.” Well, Miss Decker, no one knows what you are looking for, except Staple Boy. At one point I began writing down lyrics to songs by Paul Simon; I remember using “The Boxer” and “Born at the Right Time” specifically, just to see what kind of excuse she could give as to why they weren’t good.

I don’t remember her comment on “The Boxer,” but I do remember what she said about “Born at the Right Time.” I showed her these words:

Down among the reeds and rushes
A baby boy was found
His eyes as clear as centuries
His silky hair was brown

Never been lonely
Never been lied to
Never had to scuffle in fear
Nothing denied to
Born at the instant
The church bells chime
And the whole world whispering
Born at the right time

She said, “If this boy was found in the reeds and rushes, how could there be a church nearby to sound bells? I just can’t see the image. It just doesn’t work.”

I was dumbstruck. One, who said the church was nearby? Two, you’re a FREAKING RETARD, MISS D. So much for imagery. At that point, I absolutely gave up trying to please her with any serious attempt at poetry writing. If Paul Simon wasn’t good enough for her, how on earth could I hope to compete? So I went back to my desk behind my friend Ben and sat down. After some grumbling between ourselves about how stupid Miss D. was (again), I began to write. For the next 45 seconds, I wrote, and what landed on the page was Pretense. I took it up to Miss D.’s desk to show it to her. She read it, and loved it. She told me she was glad that I was finally starting to understand what poetry is all about.

To this day, apparently, I still have absolutely no idea what poetry is all about, because I have no clue what this poem is about. I wrote it, and I have no freaking idea. I took a neat-sounding word and wrote the first things that came to mind, mindlessly scribbling in an attempt to be as good as Mr. or Miss Staple. As best as I can recall, what is published on this site is entirely the original wording. Why mess with what is, for all intents and purposes, perfection?

So I keep this poem around as a reminder of stupidity that was not my own, as so much stupidity is. (My own, not not-my-own.)

Side note 1: I found out that Clark, a guy I used to work with, also had Miss D. for English a few years before I did. If you knew Clark, you’d imagine what kind of hijinks he’d pull in her class and laugh till you peed your pants and cried at the same time.

Side note 2: I mentioned in my last post that I had found the original draft of a new beginning. What I actually found was the original draft of From now on. They share something of the same theme, so apparently that’s why I was confused.

Get behind me, furnace woes

Luckily, I have no legions of devoted readers, or I imagine they would have abandoned me long ago, as I am quite slothful in keeping up with this whole blogging thing. There are just so many TV shows to watch.

I am going to wrap up this furnace woes story and, if I have my way, never speak of it again. Two months ago I was going to call back the WC. Call them back, I did, and speak to them in this style, I did not.

Imagine my surprise when my phone call met with success. I was placed on hold a few times while the rep I spoke to called and spoke with the contractor who replaced my furnace to verify that I had, indeed, written the $35 check as I had previously stated. The WC rep then told me that they were going to take care of everything in-house, and that I would no longer owe any money, nor would I receive any more letters. Amazingly enough, that has held true! I did get a notice a week or two ago that said my plan was expiring soon and I needed to act quickly to ensure that I did not experience a lapse in my amazing coverage.

The contractor also called me later to make sure that I was being taken care of. He also told me that as per his contract with the WC, he was allowed to charge me $35 or any other price he chose, as he saw fit. When I finally can’t take it any more and get central air conditioning installed in my house, he will be the first one I call.

So it was kind of an anticlimactic ending to the saga, but that’s okay. I am going to get back to poetism commentaries shortly, and possibly other subjects, too. While I was at church a few weeks ago I found the original draft of a new beginning, which excited me rather more than it should have. I won’t get to that commentary for a while, but I am looking forward to it.

Furnace woes: the next generation

The previous parts of this story can be found here, here, and here.

I thought that perhaps I would be lucky enough to get past the trouble I had getting my furnace replaced with the involvement of the home warranty company (WC) I have a policy with. After all, it’s been almost six months, right? Keeping in tune with the insurance-type company standard, I am still having troubles today.

Heretofore I have named no names other than my own in relating this story. If something doesn’t change soon, however, I am going to start.

(Not that I am fooled into thinking that posting this on my blog would have any normal effect, but sending copies of my blog entries to places like the BBB and consumer advocacy groups regarding the unethical and deceptive practices of the WC, with names and infractions cited, just might.)

Three days ago I received a letter in the mail from the WC. Actually it is addressed to my wife. Why her and not me, I can only guess: she wrote the check when the new furnace was installed and had one conversation with the WC. Other than that, I have handled everything. At any rate, the letter says something to the effect of “3rd and final notice. You owe us a $55.00 trade call fee.” This is, I think, the sixth letter I have received from the WC on this subject, and the second “3rd and final notice.” Basically they are saying that I never paid the $55 service fee for the first time they sent out their contractor, and that I owe them money.

This is true. I never wrote a check for $55. I wrote one for $35 to the contractor the WC sent; as mentioned previously, he charged me his $35 trip charge instead of the $55 because the WC initially refused to cover the replacement of the furnace.

After I received the first notice, I sent it back without payment with the explanation that I had already paid the contractor at the time of service. In January, after having received a few more notices, my wife called the WC to reiterate this fact, and the WC rep told her we may still owe the $20 difference, and the WC would contact us to let us know. The only contact we have received since then was in the form of the notices sent by mail.

So when I got the most recent notice in the mail, I called up the WC the next day and spoke with them about it. The rep I spoke to could find no information stating that the WC had actually covered any costs and the $35 check I had written was marked as a non-covered cost fee. If the furnace had been covered, she said, I would have received the $35 check back. I explained that it was covered after much debate with the WC, and that I had not, in fact, received my check back. Since she could not find any information noting that the furnace was covered, she told me she would have to “check with the tech” (since when does a “tech” need to be consulted to read notes on an account?) and promised to call me back the next day (yesterday).

I didn’t receive a call the next day, and actually forgot that I was supposed to receive one until my phone rang this morning and I saw the number. I tried to answer it but being that I get wonderfully bad cell service at my house–which I need to contact Cingular about, but I hate hate hate speaking to Cingular, for reasons which I have not yet disclosed on this blog–the call was dropped. The phone rang again shortly thereafter and I just let it go to voicemail so I would at least be assured to get something.

I checked my voicemail on the way to work and it was a message from the WC rep I had spoken to two days ago, saying to call her back. A good thing I had taken down her phone number and extension before, as she left no contact information. I called back once I got to work and got her voicemail, saying I was returning her call and asking for her to call me back. I also left both my name and phone number to make it easy.

A little while later she called me back and explained to me her findings. In essence, the $35 was not marked as a trade call fee, and so I still owed the $55. I told her they could apply the $35 payment toward the $55, and send me a bill for the difference. She told me she would have to speak to accounting and call me back.

A few minutes later I got another call from her and she said that since I had written the check to the contractor and not to the WC, I could send in a “copy of the check”–by which I hope she meant the carbon copy, because I don’t have the original, as I explained before–and the WC would reimburse me the $35 and then I could write a check for $55. If I did not pay the $55 it would end up on my credit report. I explained that that was somewhat, i.e. really really, ridiculous. She said that it was necessary for all the accounting procedures, etc. I told her that while I technically owed the $20, I felt that I shouldn’t have to pay it in the first place because of the dubious way the WC had handled the entire case, but that if they sent me a bill for $20, I would pay it. I also posed the question on how much the WC was spending to collect this $20 (more on that below). She told me she could do nothing further, and I told her that was fine, and that I would be happy to speak with her supervisor.

(I have nothing against any of the reps of the WC thus far except the one who lied to the contractor and misrepresented me, and the “account executive,” a.k.a. sales person that tried to justify the unethical behavior and brought up inappropriate topics like religion. The rest of them were just doing their jobs, this current rep included.)

So I was transfered to the Authorization department where I briefly outlined the situation. The man I spoke with told me the same thing; I could send in the check copy for reimbursement and then pay the $55 fee. I explained again that this was a really really stupid way to do things and he said it had to be done that way. At this point I had to get involved in moving a server around at work and had to cut the conversation short. I took the rep’s name and number and told him I would call back when I had more time to discuss this, which will probably be tomorrow.

Now, as I mentioned before (and will mention again tomorrow when I call back), I don’t feel like I should have to pay the $20, but I will do that if I am sent a bill for that amount, and no more. I will not go through the silly process of being reimbursed $35 and then paying $55 back. I will also bring up the following:

The WC call center is, as far as I know, based in California. Google tells me that as of January 1, 2007, California minimum wage is $7.50 per hour. Assuming everyone at the WC makes minimum wage, then given the probably half an hour my wife spent on the phone with the WC in January and the hour or so I have spent in the last few days, we’re up to $11.25 in payroll expenses for the WC. Add in the time I will have to spend on the phone resolving this–let’s low-ball it and say just another half an hour–that brings the total up to $15.00. Now adding in the time it takes for whoever is responsible for sending out six notices by mail, plus postage, and processing a reimbursement, then billing the contractor for that amount, and then processing my hypothetical $55 check, and not forgetting to add in payroll taxes for good measure, I think that the WC has quite exceeded the $20 that they expect me to pay. Some of the people involved may even make more than minimum wage, and there increase the costs some more. Isn’t there a point where you cut your losses and call it a day?

If the WC refuses to apply the already-paid $35 and bill me only for the difference (and also possibly again threatens the credit report stuff), I will be happy to report to them that I will update my reports of the incidents with the names of people involved and their various questionable behaviors and forward them on to the BBB, consumer advocacy groups, and whoever else I can think might be interested. I will give them their $20, but not if they’re going to be stupid about it.

Further bulletins as events warrant.

A Wii story

I have a Wii. I didn’t have to camp out. Here are the fun details:

My dad wanted to buy the kids that are still at home a Wii for Christmas, so I helped him look around for one. Of course, they were hard to find and always snapped up as soon as they came in, so we didn’t end up finding one before Christmas. To be fair, we refused to wait in any ridiculous lines for hours, or camp out (I refuse to camp out for any reason, regardless of Wii involvement), so our chances were narrowed significantly.

We did almost get a Wii twice, once at Toys R Us, and once at Target. The last one sold just moments before we reached each location, of course. The Toys R Us experience was worth the 95 MPH freeway drive, for one reason: the reaction of the person in line after the one who got the last Wii. He was a teenager around 17 or 18 and when he saw that the last Wii was sold right in front of him fell to his knees in the middle of the store, and I thought he was about to cry. Once I got to the parking lot I noticed he was behind me, and he looked at the sky, spreading his arms, and shouted "Why do you taunt me, Nintendo? WHYYYYYYYYYY?" Good times.

The Wednesday after Christmas I was visiting a few stores in my area and saw two teens sitting out on the sidewalk in front of Circuit City at 4 in the afternoon. I asked them if they were Wii-camping and they pointed me at the sign on the front door: Circuit City would have 6 Wiis and 6 Playstation 3s the following morning. Again, I have a no-camping policy, and I thought it was especially silly to start camping 16 hours before the store was going to open. What do I know, I guess? I wished them luck and left.

The next day I was again in the area and I stopped in to ask how many people had ended up camping out. The CC guy told me that there were at least 6 at closing time the night before. I noted with amusement that 4 of the 6 PS3s were still sitting on the shelf, unbought.

It was with much hilarity, though, that I saw 41 PS3s on the floor at Best Buy the next Monday, with no one making a move to purchase them. Take that, Sony.

We’ll back up just a bit. I learned on that Thursday night that Amazon.com was to have Wiis for sale sometime between 7 a.m. and 11 a.m. PST on Friday, December 29th. Determined to try and get one for my dad, I sat dutifully in front of the computer Friday morning, refreshing the page every 30 seconds or so. Of course, when they did become available, it was between my refreshes and the entire stock of 25 (seriously, Amazon, 25?) was sold by the next refresh.

Grumbling at Amazon’s stupidity, I left for work and decided to stop at ShopKo on a whim, as it is four blocks from my house. Without much hope, I asked the woman in the electronics department if they had had any recent shipments of Wiis or PS3s (I had found that store employees seem to be nicer if I asked for both instead of just the Wii), and she said yes. I asked how long ago they had come in, and she said, "Oh, about 20 minutes ago." I asked if any Wiis were left, expecting that they had all sold in minutes, if not seconds–stupid Amazon–and she replied that there were still 12 in the back.

Stunned, I slowly asked if I could buy two; one for me and one for my dad. I had not planned on getting a Wii up until this point, and had, in fact, already bought Twilight Princess for Gamecube and played it for some 15 hours, but I was suddenly caught up in the moment and knew that a Wii must be mine. She told me she was sorry, but it was one to a customer, so I bought one, and called my dad and told him to hurry his bum over to the ShopKo for a Wii. I believe his exact words were, “Holy crap! I’ll be right there.”

Wii in hand, I left the store, calling friends to let them know that if they, too, hurried their bums over to the ShopKo, they may be able to buy themselves a Wii. I drove back home to drop off my Wii, and my wife asked what I was doing back home so soon. I showed her the Wii box and she started jumping up and down. I think she wanted a Wii more than I did. I asked her to go back over to the ShopKo so she could be a new customer and buy a Wii just in case my dad couldn’t get one in time. When she got back, I went back over to the store to meet a friend who was buying one, and the nice electronics lady let me buy another one, since I had gone home and come back and therefore was a new customer.

So I picked up two, my wife picked up one, my dad got one, a co-worker rode down with my dad and got one, my friend got one, and his dad and sister each got one. Between us we bought eight of the fifteen Wiis ShopKo had received.

I sold one to another friend and one to my mom, who after playing boxing decided she needed to have it. Her husband also got pretty into the tennis, and was quite comical to watch.

My wife had planned a holiday party for that night, and it was enhanced by the Wii. Because my friends had also got Wiis that day we had enough Wiimotes to play four player sports, and man, was it ever fun. I had been skeptical of the Wii up to that point, but I am now a believer. Nintendo did almost everything right with the Wii, I think. There are a couple of things I would like to see change, namely side-letterboxing 4:3 content on a 16:9 TV, and the ability to take downloaded Virtual Console games to a friend’s house and play them.

As a side note, I stopped in the same ShopKo about a week and a half later looking for Wiimotes (note: I have found ShopKo is not the place to buy accessories, as they charge $5-$10 over retail), and saw a sign that said they had more Wiis in stock. I bought two more for people that had been looking for them. I love that fact that I got 5 Wiis without any stupid line-waiting or camping, and that I didn’t sell any of them on eBay. It was luck being the the right place at the right time, sure, but it still happened. Ka-zing!

Thanks in some part to the Wii, I have also had a great resurgence in my Zelda playing, which will be the subject of my next post, after which I will get back to poetism commentaries.

An end to the furnace woes

When last I wrote of the furnace woes, a woman at the warranty company (WC) had called me and told me she’d be contacting their appointed contractor to get my furnace replaced.

She called back not too much later, having spoken with the contractor, and told me that instead of issuing me a check for $740 plus some amount for code violations, the WC would be supplying the furnace, paying the contractor their portion directly, and I would be responsible for a remaining $550. That sounded good to me, as the total price was around $1800, and ($1800 – $740 – up to $250 for code violations) > $550. She told me that the contractor would be calling me by Monday or Tuesday to set up an appointment to do the work and that she would also be calling me to follow up and make sure everything was being handled. Thus ended day four without heat.

Tuesday came around and no one had called me yet, so I called the contractor up to make sure everything was still going to be taken care of on Thursday, like he had told me before. He said he was about to call me and ask if he could start the work that evening because he had a training class he was supposed to go to during part of the time he would have been at my house on Thursday. Anything to get this done faster, I said.

So he and his assistant (I assume) came by on Tuesday night for about and hour and a half and put the new furnace in. Since it was smaller, new ductwork still needed to be installed, but he said he would need to build it still and would be back on Thursday morning around 8. Thus ended day eight without heat.

Sure enough, Thursday morning he showed up bright and early and had everything wrapped up by about 11. He programmed our thermostat and even left us an extra filter. As I was at work, my wife handed over $900 (the $550 plus $350 for an air conditioning coil to facilitate a later installation of central AC), and we have heat in our home again. It’s quite nice.

My wife told me that just as the contractor was showing her how to work the thermostat, an employee of Questar Gas showed up to turn off our gas service for non-payment. Since we have paid all of our gas bills on time she asked him to make sure it was really us he was looking for. After further examination of his paperwork, he sheepishly admitted he had the wrong house. I’m glad I was at work so I didn’t have to hear the shouting that surely came from the duplex next door.

No one from the WC ever called me back since last Friday, and I’m in no hurry to speak with any of their people anyway, so that’s that.