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So says the original teaser for Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, which I watched last night with great glee, as a got my hands on the new Star Wars Trilogy DVD set.

I gotta say, the picture quality is freakin’ amazing. I watched all the trailers and TV spots on the bonus disc last night after watching Episode IV, and I can’t believe how much the movies have been cleaned up for this release.

And because I can’t completely stay out of the Original/Special Edition debate, here’s my take: get over it. Stop your whining and enjoy the movies. Stop complaining that Greedo shoots first or that Jar Jar has been added to Jedi for .02 milliseconds. Move out of your parents’ basement, find a girlfriend, and do some smooching to get a fresh perspective on life.

It is okay, however, to complain that the lightsaber battles aren’t long enough, because they’re not. I watched the Episode III sneak peak on the bonus disc and I am drooling to see that lightsaber fight between Obi-Wan and Anakin. It’s gonna be sweet. In the mean time, I’m going to imagine lightsabers everywhere I go, especially one cutting off the wossnames of the kid who won’t pay me for hitting my car.

With fairly little to say, at the moment. Of note (or not so much, maybe?) are several things, which I may or may not detail later on–I commit, at this point, to nothing, save long sentences punctuated by an unsightly, if rather amusing, amount of commas.

I finished Final Fantasy X-2, aka Yuna Raider, a couple of nights ago. Actually, I can safely say it’s not actually Yuna Raider, as I attempted to play Tomb Raider 3 soon after and could not stomach the controls for more than 2.73 seconds. (Yes, I know that comparison is completely retarded.) Anyway, I was rather disappointed to only receive the Mascot dressphere 65 hours into the game, as I would have loved to play through the entire game dressed as a moogle, a Tonberry, and a Cait Sith, using a chocobo, a Cactrot (I refuse to call them Cactuars), and a PuPu (a what?!) as weapons, respectively. I will admit to abusing the Speed Bracer/Cat Nip Gunner trick, though. Man, that’s a beautiful thing, much like the Master Tonberry -> Massive AP trick in Final Fantasy X.

Anyway, I really enjoyed FFX-2, though not nearly as much as FFX or FF7.

Speaking of FF7, I recently discovered a program called StepMania, a Dance Dance Revolution clone for the PC (and Mac, I guess). I got so into it that I ordered a Playstation controller -> USB adapter to hook up my dance pads to my computer to play. (This really is leading to FF7, I promise.) So I started getting way better at playing DDR on the keyboard than on my feet, especially because my friend Adam has some Cobalt Fluxes and I don’t. I do, however, have a new receiver that does DTS-ES and Dolby Digital EX decoding, if only I had that sixth speaker to take advantage of it.

So back to FF7. Because I got that Playstation/USB adapter, I decided to download a Playstation emulator last night and try to play some of my games on it. I popped in Chocobo Racing, which features Chocobos and Moogles as does FF7, and was dismayed by how much better it looks on my GeForce4 than on my actual Playstation. Now every time I play a PSOne game on my new 27″ TV that my beautiful wife let me buy to play video games on I will be reminded of something… I forget what, exactly, because as I ramble my train of thought goes bye-bye rather quickly.

Did I mention I got a new TV? Yeah, my wife is so nice–she even tried to talk me into buying a bigger one than I did. I know that no one will actually believe it, but it happened, I swear.

Oh yes, I remember why I actually started writing this in the first place. I was looking at some Final Fantasy artwork over at the RPGamer when I came across the same moogle that graces this site. I was looking at images of other moogles and I noticed that my moogle is missing the puffy ball thing on his head. I can’t believe I didn’t notice that before, and I call myself a Final Fantasy fan.

I guess one of these days I’ll need to play Final Fantasies 1-3 and see what all the fuss was about back then. All I know was FF4 got me hooked.

As a last note for now, I have also updated the links various and sundry, removing some links and adding a few more. Of especial note is Bebo Norman. My dad sent me his first CD when I was an LDS missionary in France. I was a bit put off by the music at first but quickly came to love it. Since returning home I’ve bought each of his three subsequent albums, all of which I wholeheartedly recommend. I can’t get enough of the Bebo. I’m still kicking myself for missing his Utah stop in July. I think I’d rather see him than BNL, R.E.M., and TMBG combined.

Well, maybe not combined, as such, but the point is Bebo is the new hotness.

I think that’s enough for now, mostly because I think it’s probably time I went to bed, even though I’m sure I’ll find some excuse to stay up even later, because I always do.

So the other night I’m dreaming again, right? Right. I’m in the middle of some city, in an old abandoned building that just happens to be guarded by elite guards and stuff. Somehow, I make my escape, and as I’m running out the door of the building, I see a shriveled-up CGI Hulk laying outside one of the cells. I know at this point that something weird is going to happen.

So I get out of the building and start running, only to round a corner and spot two guards running at me. What do I do? Dreaming, and thus somewhat lacking in the common sense department, I run back into the building, thinking, “Aha! They’ll never expect me to run back into the building. I’m a genius!”

I’m hiding back inside my cell when the building starts to shake. I have half a second to think, “What the…?” when the wall explodes. The shriveled-up Hulk is no longer shriveled, and is now actively throwing boulders at the building, I guess in some sort of rabid attempt to destory things, like Hulk seems to enjoy doing.

Somehow, I think I’m safe for the time being, but just to make sure, I crawl under the cot occupying my cell. Another few boulders crash through the wall, none of which strike me, and so I just think I can wait it out.

But no. My Spidey Sense chose that moment to kick in.

The camera pans out and time slows way down, just like when some cool martial arts thing is about to happen in the Matrix. I see the Hulk’s face contort with rage as he flings yet another boulder at the building. It hits the wall with excrutiating slowness and explodes, shards spraying everywhere in an attempt to eradicate every form of life in the building, including me.

That’s when I see myself, and I turn out to be none other than Mario himself, jumping and spinning through the air, dodging the rock shards with the greatest of ease.

As the rubble begins to subside, time kicks back into full speed and I regain my first person point of view. I run from the building, shaking my fist at the Hulk (but secretly delighted at my amazing ability not to get hit by sharp, flying objects), and I notice an elite guard has somehow survived the attack on his homestead. He spots me and begins to give chase. I duck around the corner into a near by restaurant, where I shed Luigi’s jacket–yep, I’d been Spidey Mario disguised as Luigi all along–in an attempt to foil my pursuer, like Harrison Ford did in The Fugitive. (He wasn’t wearing Luigi’s jacket, but it was St. Patrick’s Day, which are both green.)

Unfortunately, the elite guard wasn’t fooled, because the restaurant owner flagged him down and tattled on me. On the lam once again, I pull my cell phone out of my pocket and speed dial my trusty friend Ben for a ride out of this place. Turns out trusty ol’ Ben is at home with the kids and can’t be bothered to come rescue me. So, out of escape options, I promptly woke up, and groggily wondered what was the matter with me (secretly delighted to have such cool dreams, of course).

Sometimes I wonder if all of my creativity, or at least my talent to put it to good use, ran out in 1998 or thereabouts. Reading over some of the poems I’ve written recently (by which I mean that I recently read them, not that I recently wrote them), and I can’t help but feel that with rare exception the best stuff was written more than five freakin’ years ago. I’ve barely touched Grass Monkey stories for almost three years.

I can’t help but wonder what bloody happened to me.

I noticed that, also with rare exception, my “best” poetry seems to have some sort of recurring theme of self-inflicted sadness or depression, or attempted redemption from such (man, do I love meridian of day and Something Broken). Funnily enough, some of the most unbelievably stupid junk I’ve ever written falls under this same heading (see, for example, Inner Betrayal or A Lesson To Be Learned). Anyway, a few nights ago I was feeling distressed about something or other and so I sat down to try to put my thoughts into words. Guess what came out? This crap:

forgive
forget
their meanings are shrouded in shadow
how am I ever supposed to find release

no escape from nightmares save in slumber
only find respite in darkness and solitude
all the tears robbed from my heart
stolen in a sporadically sub-par enigmatic battle
alone
I weep because I cannot weep

sieve
fisherman’s net
they catch all the lumps of emptiness
all that slips through my weaving is peace

outside disfigured from inside
the darkness claws and gasps for a breath of air
struggle affords me no victory
I surrendered freely too long ago
disowned
a disparate legacy lies at my feet

Seriously, a “sub-par enigmatic battle”? I don’t even know what the blazes that’s supposed to mean. Crivens, I don’t even know why I just typed “what the blazes.”

So there’s some ranting for the .42 readers of the grassmonk blog. Enjoy.

Well, I caught a glaring factual error in the book, anyway.

Robert Langdon recalls a past lecture in which one of his students brought a copy of The Lion King DVD to class. The publication date of The Da Vinci Code is April 2003. The Lion King didn’t hit DVD until October 2003.

Ha ha. In your face, Dan Brown.

Unless the story takes place in the not-too-distant future, in which case I think Wolverine should have shown up and clawed something.

Or unless it was a DVD burned from an older VHS or Laser Disc copy, in which case I think Wolverine should have shown up and clawed something, and Spider-Man should have shown up and cracked wise, and a random lightsaber battle should have occurred, in which Simba should have deftly disemboweled Michael Eisner, just on general principle.

Oh, and while we’re at it, I’d like copies of The Truman Show and Super Mario Bros. in anamorphic widescreen, please.